Just reading Free Press coverage of the Fontana presser from today - he promised to “lead by example” and ride the bus; he quickly managed to kill his transit credibility by saying that money earmarked for transit in the draft transportation master plan “scares the bejesus out of (him).”  He also made a whole bunch of other traffic-flow related promises that likely resulted in animated dinner table conversations at households of London traffic engineers this evening:

Traffic Engineer: Seriously! Hey Einstein, if improving London’s traffic flow was as simple as adding more advance greens and making left hand turn signals flash a little bit longer, we would have been done it by now!

Traffic Engineer’s Spouse: Honey, I’ve never seen your face turn that shade of purple before - maybe you should just breathe.

Mr. Fontana also made an odd-ball transparency promise to “remove the multiple glass barriers currently installed outside the mayor’s office.” What is that about? Is it a lame attempt to spin a narrative that the mayor isn’t accessible to business or ‘the people.’ He also threw his weight behind a parking garage downtown, even though the economics of such a venture are fuzzy at the moment.

So in honour of having my intelligence insulted, I present Chewbacca riding a giant squirrel while fighting Nazis - you’ve probably seen this floating around the interweb over the past few days. In my humble opinion, this wonderful piece of art is a metaphor for the odds of a 4-year tax freeze in London, or for the likelihood that Mr. Fontana will ever truly empathise with transit riders; it is stuff of fantasy, and no matter how much we hope and dream for such an awesome scenario to come true, it will not.

Predictions on what’s next on the “I need a Hail Mary to unseat the mayor” hit parade? A ring road? Road construction that never inconveniences drivers? Every traffic light is a green traffic light?

I promise to return to my mature-self tomorrow - must be the vacation rotting my brain.